Apology to Friends Without Kids

I just finished watching this hilarious vlog post by What's Up Moms' Elle Walker, which has totally gone viral now. In it, she explains through her inner monologue, why it's so hard staying in touch and maintaining her friendships with people who don't have kids. Her toddler spills grated cheese in the time it takes Elle to text, sits on her baby brother when she isn't looking, and Elle nods off mid-conversation with her visiting girlfriend. Good Morning America featured the video and the ensuing controversy this morning. I guess some folks were offended, calling it a slap in the face. GMA also asked in a poll, "Can parents stay close friends with people who don't have kids?" 73% said yes, 27% said no. Their parenting expert, Dr. Robyn Silverman, said people took offense because the video made them feel their lives weren't as important or significant just because they didn't have children.

First off, LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE. It's a light-hearted, funny take on the challenges parents face. And part of the way parents cope with the insanity of seemingly simple tasks made impossible by a screaming toddler (like trying to force said toddler to wear clothes and shoes when leaving the house), is with humor. We like to laugh at ourselves and commiserate. But do we feel that our friends without kids can relate? Not at all. That's why this video helps. It gives them an insight into the fact that when I say, "I'm so sorry, it's been so crazy lately." It literally means, "As soon as I got the call from my kid's school that my daughter was sick, she has not stopped puking, and I have not had a moment to put the barf bucket down to text you back." Does it mean I don't value your time? No. Does it mean I don't value our friendship? No. Does it mean I want you to feel sorry for me? No. It just means, "I would love to catch up with you, and I am craving adult conversation about something other than the color and consistency of my daughter's stool, but can I take a rain check?"

Oh those crazy days that are now just a foggy memory, when I had a newborn and a toddler that wanted to act like a newborn. When sleep was just a cruel tease. And I was consumed with nursing the baby and potty training all at the same time.





I've always been the only one of my best friends that had kids. I remember feeling really bad (and sad) when they would invite me to happy hours, weekends in Vegas, or vacations to Mexico and I couldn't just pick up and leave. I REALLY wanted to, but I had new obligations and priorities. I didn't expect them to understand, since they didn't have children. And after awhile, they stopped asking. At first I was hurt, but then I was relieved that I didn't have to keep turning them down. Now I just live vicariously through their Facebook posts. We are still best friends. It's about making an effort, even if that effort isn't always successful. They have been great "aunties" to my kids. They've attended baby showers and the kids' birthdays, sent them gifts. Even inspired their requests for a puppy (thanks a lot Anj). I know I need to be a better friend when it comes to calling and catching up. After the kids are in bed, we've been known to squeeze in a conversation or two, when I'm really able to listen without constantly being interrupted. And I do try to get away and make an effort to have girls weekends every now and then. It just requires more advance planning and notice. 

As you can see... I made it to Mexico with the girls after all:

I love that part in Elle's vlog where she says: "In a few years, I'll make it all up to you with some bad advice from someone who will never judge..." Trust me: I am just counting down the days til my girls have kids of their own, and I can just knowingly smile and say, "Welcome to my world. What took you so long?" And they'll be glad they have a friend who's gone through the mommy madness, and will understand when they can't come out for a drink. (I'll bring the wine over to her house instead)

Spring Cleaning Your Closet

I have a lot of clothes. (The first step to overcoming an addiction is admitting you have a problem, right?)

Except, I wouldn't call having a lot of clothes a 
problem, per se. It's actually a necessity due to my career. My job requires that I have a lot of professional-looking outfits. And it would be an anchorwoman faux pas to repeat outfits too often. I try to console my husband, by explaining that nothing was bought at full price. So that I'm actually SAVING him money. Yeah, he doesn't buy that line either. He started to get fed up when the closet we shared, was more like a 90/10 split. "Can't you get rid of some of the stuff you don't wear anymore?" As if!!! But he was right. So this photo is a snapshot of how the dress section of my closet looked before my spring cleaning. A hodgepodge of hangers, clothes crammed together.

I didn't want to invest in an entire closet system. And I wasn't about to get my dream walk-in closet.Some people pin vacation spots on their Pinterest boards, but *this* is my happy place. Every now and then, I look at this photo to fantasize about what I'd really like to do with the space that is my guest room or hubby's office.

So I figured a really affordable way to organize and create more room in my existing closets would be to change out the hangers. Costco happened to have these no slip, space-saving hangers at $9.99 for a box of 35. I bought a few... hundred. Then I proceeded to swap out every single one of my hangers, color coordinating and purging the stuff I longer wear along the way. What do you know? The closet space is now more of a 70/30 split and I can actually find stuff now. Hubby was happy, happier. And I was pretty pleased with my $100 investment. Now I can turn my attention to my jewelry. But organizing that collection would require its own blog post!

Here is an after photo of the same space. Better, right?  Just so happens, the good folks at Consumer Reports did an article on low-cost closet fixes in their June 2014 issue. Here are some good ideas:

 Free or super-cheap:

• Mason jars can be used to stash rolled-up belts, tights, and scarves.
• Corkboards provide easy-access to jewelry particularly necklaces, earrings and bracelets; use decorative pushpins to dress it up.
• Ice cube trays are sized just right for earrings and other small jewelry items, and they’re stackable.
• Rubber bands can secure bulky items (such as a puffy down vest or jacket) that have to be rolled up tightly.

$25 or less:

• Rubbermaid Flex Tote storage boxes, $8 (homedepot.com) can be filled with cotton items and is easier to squeeze into tight spaces than traditional storage boxes.
• Hanger Hamper, $9 (containerstore.com) is a triangular bin that stores extra hangers neatly without tangling; the triangle shape nestles neatly into the corner of a closet.
• 3M Command Hooks, $3 (containerstore.com) can be hung anywhere in a closet where there is a little space to hang robes, nighties, necklaces, and more.
• Acrylic shelf dividers, $17 each (organizeit.com) keep T-shirts, jeans, and sweaters neatly stacked on a shelf; they can also prop handbags upright and don’t add visual clutter.

Best Closet Systems

Do-it-yourself closet kits can save shoppers hundreds of dollars over professionally installed systems.  ShopSmart  put  those  designed  for  a  six-foot  wide  closet  from  ClosetMaid,  Elfa,  Ikea, Martha Stewart, and Rubbermaid to the test.  Here’s a look at two of the winners:

Best Overall: Platinum Elfa Reach-In, $560 (containerstore.com) This system held all of the stuff without anything getting smooshed, plus it was the easiest and fastest unit to install (taking 35 minutes), with minimal drilling.  There is a lot of customer support – online and video directions are clear. 

Best for small closets: Rubbermaid Homefree Series, $90 (rubbermaid.com) This kit was the cheapest of the bunch and held all the stuff.  It was also fairly easy to put together, though installation time took more than an hour.

What do I do with all these photos on my phone?

I am so tired of getting this message on my phone -- reminding me that once again, I've clogged up my memory space. I can't launch my camera. I can't launch apps. Then I'm desperately trying to delete non-essential photos and videos so I can create even more memories I'll eventually have to delete. Repeat.

OK, so I have over a thousand photos and videos on my phone. Is that excessive? This, despite the fact that just last month, I transferred what I had onto my laptop. For most of us, our phones or tablets have become our go-to devices for documenting life. A small percentage of those digital memories actually get printed or shared. The other day, a friend of mine told me she lost thousands and thousands of her photos when her computer crashed. My heart sank. When was the last time I'd backed up my pics? I would be devastated if I lost my daughter's first piano recital, my son's first T-ball game, my anniversary in Napa.

To ease my mind, my hubby bought me an external hard drive years ago. I have always had an inherent dislike for the thing. It's inexplicable, really. But my two biggest beefs: It's not automatic (I have to be reminded to sit down and back up my stuff) and I can't access my content unless I'm hardwired to it.

For that, there's always a "cloud" service like Apple's iCloud which gives you 5GB of free storage (you can buy more storage). iCloud lets you access your photos, documents, and music from whatever device you're on. It's easy to set up and use. iCloud automatically backs up your phone daily over Wi-Fi when your device is connected to a power source. There are a ton of cool features, including the "find my iPhone" feature and the password keychain to help you remember everything. 



There are a lot of cloud storage options: Google Drive offers 15GB of free space. Dropbox only 2GB. Amazon Cloud Drive 5GB. All offer premium upgrade options, if you want to buy more space.

But with convenience also comes concern. I've always been uneasy about the idea of my personal photos and documents floating around on a server somewhere. There for the taking by hackers or even the government. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but privacy advocates warn cloud security is a challenge.

 

For me, the perfect solution is Western Digital's My Book Live Personal Cloud Storage: essentially, your own personal cloud. You can save everything in one place and access it from anywhere with your PC, Mac, smartphone or tablet. Protect your files with automatic file backup for all your computers. And with direct file uploads from your mobile devices, all your important photos are safely stored on your personal cloud. Their consumer version "My Cloud" costs $150 for 2TB to $180 for 3TB and $220 for  4TB. In my opinion, a small price to pay for a ton of space and the security and privacy and convenience of your own personal cloud.

 

An Ode to Single Moms and Dads

“Believe me, as a busy single mother - or I shouldn’t say single - as a busy mother, sometimes when you’ve got a husband who is president it can feel a little single. But he’s there,” -Michelle Obama, April 2013.

I feel you, FLOTUS. Even though my husband is NOT the president of the United States, there have been times I've felt like a single mother too. Her husband was in Fresno County this past Valentine's Day. Mine was in Fort Lauderdale. In fact, my husband has been traveling a lot lately for work. From Ohio to Florida for eight days, working hard for his money. Which leaves me working hard not to lose my mind. Daughter wakes up crying from a nightmare. MOM! Teacher sends home a stack of papers to be graded. MOM! Four loads of laundry. MOM! I'm hungry. MOM! Endless dishes. MOM! I'm bored. MOM! I pooped, wipe my butt. MOM! Dance, piano, gymnastics, basketball. MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! 

I didn't write this to complain. I LOVE interacting with my children and spending time with them. As a working mom, I feel like I miss too many of their moments. So all this EXTRA time together, just the three of us, has been great bonding. They've made me laugh (Son: "Mom, do you ever fart?), learn (daughter is a money whiz) and marvel (son can run a half mile faster than me!) But dang, I am tired. I've got a pedicure gift certificate burning a hole in my pocket. If only I had the time to use it! In fact, one girlfriend took pity on me and came over last Monday night after they were asleep, so I could slip out and get a massage. God bless her for her kindness and thoughtfulness. Then there are those times when the kids just miss their dad. There are tears, there are hurtful words, "I don't love you as much as I love daddy!" And there's nothing I can say or do to fix that. So I just hold them tight and let them know mommy's here for them. Thank goodness for FaceTime. It's been a Godsend for families like ours.

Obviously there's a light at the end of my tunnel. Husband has returned, albeit briefly, to relieve me from solo duty. But so many other mothers (and fathers) don't have that option. Which leads me to a new found appreciation for the challenges of single parenting, whether due to divorce or tragedy, or deployments overseas. It's not so much the daily duties. Getting to school, packing lunch, making dinner, bedtime stories, these are all things I would do anyways. It's more the unexpected things that come up. UGH one of the kids is sick. Who can take one to the school while the other goes to the doctor? Then, there's the lack of any down time. Like in tag team wrestling, when one person gets tired, the other takes over. Or even something as simple as distracting the kids so mommy can pee in peace.

Many hands make light work. But we've only got two hands. So things get dropped when the juggling gets too hard. One friend, whose husband travels out of town regularly for work, confessed to me that she hadn't washed her hair or shaved in days. Another showed me the dozens of takeout menus she resorts to because she can't bring herself to cook after working all day. All week I longingly eyed my bottles of wine, wanting so badly to pop one open every night yet feeling ridiculous and slightly like an alcoholic if I were to finish it alone. Plus, that would just mean more dishes. Sigh. I settled for hot baths after the kids went to bed. Calgon, take me away! Then I promptly went to bed at 10pm or earlier every night, exhausted from another day of being both mommy and daddy.

As the week wore on, I had a few moments of feeling overwhelmed. The kids must have sensed it. They were, for the most part, angels. They lifted my spirits by saying things like "You're the best mommy in the world!" and "I love you so much!" and "Thank you for taking us to the zoo mommy, we had so much fun!" Their unprompted words of gratitude meant more to me and restored me more than any spa day ever could. Because it made me realize, whether alone or with my life partner, I am capable of raising some dang good kids. So all of you parents out there doing it alone part time or all the time, keep on trekking. Your kids think you're awesome, whether they say it or not.

Rock Bottom Mom Moments

So this photo, by mommy blogger  Erin Zammett Ruddy  is making the rounds on the internet. She calls it her "rock-bottom mom moment."  She needed to shower before a cocktail party so she "corralled my entire brood in my room, handed out the iPads, gave my 6-year-old a bottle, and did what I had to do." I think this photo went viral because almost all parents can relate. We've all had them. In fact, we wear them proudly like badges, wearily re-telling them like war stories over glasses of wine. "Remember that time when I had to do whatever it took?"

Speaking of whatever it takes, this was our potty training tactic. It was the only thing that would keep my son sitting there AND provide incentive for no accidents. We tried everything. Sticker charts, gummy bears, goldfish, threats, bribes, you name it. So as for relying on iPads too heavily, I can relate. Thank you Apple, for your magic tablet. You helped my toddler give up diapers for good.

Along with the swapping of photos and stories like these, comes the realization that even "super moms" aren't so super all the time. Ah, but Pinterest would have you believe your sister-in-law or neighbor is a domestic goddess. I mean, she makes everything, from crafts to quilts to cookies from scratch, right? Well, what you don't see are the not-so-perfect outcomes. The deflated souffles, burned slow cooker meals, and lopsided knitted scarves. That's why I love the "Pinterest Fail" website. You need to check it out, the entire website is dedicated to "where good intentions come to die." It makes me feel better about any unsuccessful endeavors. Apparently these were supposed to be snowman cookies, not melted ghost puddles. In fact the one on the bottom left looks like it's decapitated and is bleeding out.



But I digress. As a working mom who happens to be on TV, I have a public persona to maintain. I must be perfectly polished, hair and makeup done at all times, and my children well-dressed and well-behaved. And for a good number of people, including viewers, people at church and school, and at the supermarket, that's all they see. Fellow moms remark, "I don't know how you do it all!" But here's my secret: I don't! In fact, here are some of  my Top Mom Fails:

1. Booking family vacation during daughter's dance recital
2. Forgetting to pick up children from school
3. Letting kids watch two movies back to back so I could nap
4. Holding son's bedroom door shut for over an hour while he had a tantrum, hoping he'd wear himself out before I did
5. Begging for wipes from other parents at a restaurant because I ran out after son had an explosive diaper
6. Telling daughter to get hot lunch from school every day of the week because I was on a lunch-packing strike
7. Getting a call from daughter's school (multiple times) that she was out of dress code and that I needed to deliver appropriate clothing immediately
8. Leaving toaster oven on all day, which nearly started a kitchen fire
9. Setting infant daughter on a bed for a nap, only to come running after hearing a thump to find that she rolled off and fell onto the floor
10. Let kids go days without bathing because I was too tired to do it and they "smelled fine" anyways

So just like Pinterest Fails, I turn to Parent Fails, to make myself feel better about my sub-par parenting. Hey at least I'm not raising a "robber in training!"

Ten Things I learned on my Date with my 4-year-old Son

You know how it is, unless you're the firstborn child, you rarely get one on one time with your parents. Such is my son's fate. Born second, through no fault of his own, any cuddle time is interrupted by his older sister trying to insert herself onto my lap too. Story time, she takes over reading. Meal time she dominates the conversation. I didn't notice how much this was true until she was dropped off at her school's movie night, my husband was out of town, and my 4-year-old son and I were left, just the two of us, for hours of quality time.

I was excited at the possibilities. Being a working mom, I miss the best hours of his day, and when we are together, I'm either barking commands (clean your room! eat your dinner! don't pick your nose!) or too distracted from my day or by my iPhone to strike up a conversation full of "why?" and "how come?"

But that night, I told myself I would listen. REALLY listen, instead of my zoned out state of "uh-huh, that's nice honey." I would get to know my little man, who's developed a personality that his teachers and little friends seem to love. So in between painting at Color Me Mine, dinner at Five Guys, a treat at Yogurtland, and jumping around at the playground, here are ten things I learned on my date with my son:

1. Captain America is WAY cooler than Iron Man.
This is significant because for the last two years he has been OBSESSED with Pixar's Cars. So it was news to me that he's transitioning to superhero worship. This would explain all the jumping off the couch and posing on tables as of late.

2. He likes cheeseburgers more than pizza when given a choice.
I always assumed the kid would choose pizza. But he told me he "always" eats it (bad mommy!), so I guess he doesn't see it as a treat.
 

3. He has the toddler-specific talent... of spinning around and around without getting dizzy.
I said, "Aren't you getting dizzy?" He asked, "What's dizzy?" I said, "When you spin around and even if you stop, it feels like you're still moving." He laughed and said "No!" and kept on spinning.

4. He smacks his lips in between sentences.
I noticed in the past, he would often picks up my speech habits. He would ask, "Right?" after a statement, like I do, right? But I do not know where he got the lip smacking thing. And once he starts, it's constant. So our convo would go something like this: "Mommy?" (smack) "Did you know..." (smack) "...my friend Eddie..." (smack) "...is still three?" (smack)
 

5. He makes new friends wherever he goes.
We weren't at the playground but a minute, when I look up and he's chatting up some little girl and they start playing together. If only we could all make new friends so easily as adults. He makes it look so simple. "Hi. Do you want to play with me?" Granted, that line might get him smacked if he said it as a young man, but it sure works for him now.

6. He wants to marry me.
He doesn't seem to understand why he can't. I told him I already have a husband, his daddy. This does not deter him. The way he sees it, if you love someone, you should be able to marry them. And since I'm the number one girl in his life right now, he was heartbroken when I turned him down. But I know that I'll be just as heartbroken (and happy for him) the day when I get replaced by the real love of his life.

7. He can finish an entire Five Guys burger in one sitting.
The boy can put it away. I could barely finish mine. My food budget will have to triple as he grows.

8. He wants to be a daddy when he grows up.
I asked him what he wants to be when he's an adult, and he answered, "A daddy." I said, "Yes, but what do you want to do to make money? You need to make money to support your family." He shrugged and said, "I'll do my chore chart, and get my allowance!"

9. He loves the colors red and orange.
 This surprised me too. I asked him what colors he wanted to paint with and I assumed he would pick blue or green, or so-called boy colors. As he happily smeared red and orange all over his plate, I resolved to not limit his creativity and not freak out if he gets messy. Having a boy has been so different from having a girl. My daughter is a perfectionist. She colors in the lines, cares about order, follows the rules, and listens to what I and her dad tell her to do. My son, not so much. But for all his silliness he can be so sweet, for all his stubbornness he is smart and it is a privilege being his mommy.

10. I'm the "best mommy ever!"
Needs no explanation. ; )

Great Summer Freebies

Consumer Reports ShopSmart has uncovered dozens and dozens of ways to score free stuff in six categories: skills and services; snacks and more; classes; fun times; books, music and more; and other surprising stuff.   Below are some warm-weather suitable products and services from different categories that adults and kids can enjoy without paying for them: 

• Bowling.  Head to kidsbowlfree.com to register little ones to enjoy two daily games of bowling all summer at participating alleys.  Some places even throw in a free shoe rental.
• Internet Service.  Want to stay connected while on the go this summer?  The Wi-Fi Finder app (free for Android and Apple) finds no-charge connections nearby.
• Frozen Treats.  Head to Ben & Jerry’s on Father’s Day (June 16^th) to see if dad can get a free scoop of ice cream.  Stop by 7-Eleven on July 11 to score a free Slurpee.
• Kid Food.  Search the KidsMealsDeals app (free for Android, Apple and BlackBerry)  daily to find nearby no-cost bites.
• Movies.  A few independent theaters and chains, including Clearview Cinemas and Cinemaworld, screen movies for kids; seating is first come, first served, and some theaters require a paid adult admission. Regal Cinemas only charge $1 for kids movies Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 10am.  And, as the temperatures heat up, many cities turn parks into movie theaters with sunset film screenings.
• Outdoor Skills.  Get out and enjoy the weather.  Some REI locations offer no-charge instruction on bike maintenance, mountain-climbing prep, and a lot more.  Check a local store for more information or go to rei.com.
• Park Visits.  More than half of the country’s national parks are free and all will be free on August 25^th in honor of the National Park Service birthday.  Check online for other free days offered throughout the year.
• Workout Sessions.  Stay in shape this summer with no financial commitment.  Check online to see if a municipality offers group fitness classes at their local recreation centers and parks – as some do. Fresno PARCS has a free nutrition and fitness summer camp for kids in danger of obesity/diabetes.

Paying a Price for Free Stuff

Free stuff is awesome, but ShopSmart advises consumers not to be lax with their personal information to get it.  Here are three things to do when signing up for freebies:

1. Read privacy policies.  Consumers shouldn’t provide information they aren’t comfortable sharing and be especially careful when it comes to children.  For example, with birthday clubs, it may make sense to use initials instead of full names.

2. Check the fine print.  Freebies aren’t free if consumers are required to sign up and pay for something else.  The Federal Trade Commission cautions that certain companies that use payment info to sign consumers up for stuff make cancelling extremely difficult, hiding the info in tiny, out-of-the-way type.  Watch for prechecked (opt-out) boxes on sign-up forms.
3. Use a credit card.  If payment info is required, use a credit card.  The Fair Credit Billing Act makes it easier to stop payments.  Check statements after cancelling.