Things Lost and Gained

I REALLY was looking forward to sleeping in Sunday morning. But apparently my children did not get the memo. As my son pounded on my (always locked) bedroom door at 7:30am, I laughed to myself thinking how I used to sleep in until 10 or 11, even noon if I felt like it. Of course this was B.K. (before kids). When I grumpily asked my 5-year-old what he wanted, he replied "Can I come in? I want to cuddle with you." Instantly my irritation melted away.

That got me thinking about how different my life is compared to ten years ago. My friends without kids, or those who are about to have kids, all ask me: "Is it harder? Worse?" I always smile and say, "It's just different. Better, but different. You'll see." "But different how?" they persist. The thing about kids, their impact is hard to measure or quantify. I guess you could, thinking in terms of things lost and gained. So I decided to come up with this list. Maybe you can relate.

What I lost upon becoming a parent:     
                           
1. Spontaneity. B.K.: Happy hour? Sure! Movie just came out? Let's go! Weekend in Napa? Which winery? Now, leaving the house requires at least a week of planning ahead, to secure a babysitter, who also has a social life, by the way, so she's never available last minute. And if you have a newborn, the preparations before leaving the house are so exhausting, you don't even feel like going out anymore. And forget about trying to coordinate with another couple who has kids. You'll have to book that double date a month in advance, after everyone's checked their Google calendars to find that one night, by some miracle, that no one has a piano lesson or swim meet, AND can secure child care. A glass of wine and Netflix has become the go-to date night instead. Sex? Only if you put it in the calendar. The only thing spontaneous is the combustion of my cute "going out" clothes, which I imagine throwing in the fire because they're more useful as fuel than just sitting in my closet.

2. Privacy. What unwritten parenting rule is there that the kids will always come to find you just as you're sitting down on the toilet? Who taught them that it was ok to barge in when someone is doing their business? Oh, that's right, I did... because I'm always going in to make sure they wiped, aimed properly or washed their hands. I swear, they're like little heat sinking missiles. They can always find me. I've had both kids walk in when I'm changing, about to take a bath, and trying to sneak chocolate... all times I considered private times once upon a time. Instead I get little hands patting my bottom telling me how big it is. Hence, the always locked doors I mentioned in the first paragraph.

3. Sleep. My loved ones know that sleep is my thing. It is my talent. My first love. (sorry honey) So this one was especially hard to lose. You all know the zombie-creating first few months of parenting a newborn. But for some unlucky ones, this continues for years. The thing is, it doesn't end when they're older. Because there are always nightmares, fevers, science projects, or a host of other reasons your kids will wake you when you are dead asleep and having the best dream.

4. Dignity. Ever catch vomit with your bare hands? Ever want to melt into the floor and disappear after your kid asked a Sikh man if he's Santa? Ever go to work with milk stains on your shirt? Ever ask a stranger if they had a diaper because your kid pooped through every single one you brought out with you? Ain't too proud to beg.

5. Time. When you are putting others' needs before your own, you aren't left with a lot of time for yourself. When I subtract sleep, work, and the time I spend making dinner, doing laundry and shuttling the kids to lessons, I calculated I get two hours max to myself a day. I'd like to read a book, start a home project, or blog. That'll have to wait til the weekend evenings, once the kids go down. Every now and then I wonder what I did before kids, when I had all that time to myself. It all seems so luxurious. Oh, that's right. I used to work out, do my nails, play piano, play tennis, scrapbook, decorate my home, binge watch TV, shop...

6. Money. Which brings me to this next point. Have you seen my preschool bill? Let's just say next year, once both kids are in public school, it'll be like getting a big raise. I started getting excited about some disposable income again. But then we were just told my daughter will need braces. Cha-ching. Dance recital costumes. Cha-ching. Don't get me started on the cost of a college education. Cha-ching. All I see are little dollar signs dancing down the drain. There goes mommy's dream of a 40th birthday extravaganza in Europe.

Lest I scare you off, child-rearing is hardly a zero sum game. What I've lost doesn't compare to what I've gained.

What I gained upon becoming a parent:

1. Joy and wonder. Seeing life through the eyes of my children has been such a thrill. It's like a second chance to experience snow for the first time, Disneyland for the first time, ride a plane for the first time, the list goes on. As adults we get jaded, often just going through the motions, been there, done that. Having kids brings a fresh perspective, a sense of joy and wonder as you teach them and show them the world. I'll never forget my kids' uncontainable glee when they first learned how to ride their bikes, how to read, and how to swim. And the swelling of pride in my chest as I witnessed them reach each milestone.

2. Humility. There's a sense of helplessness that a parent feels when they realize they can't do it all and don't know it all. I think that's a good thing. That braggadocio and swagger of your 20's mellows out to a wiser, more humble version of yourself. That's where prayer comes in. Mine goes something like this: "God, I have no idea what I'm doing. Help these children grow up into awesome adults, despite my incompetence. Amen."

3. Patience. Especially in my business, it's all about immediate gratification and deadline pressure. This does not do much to foster patience in a person. I hate waiting. I won't even go to a restaurant if the wait is over 10-15 minutes to be seated. Amusement park lines? Forget about it. That all changed when my timeline didn't matter anymore to my little ones. Have you ever had to wait for a toddler putting on his shoes while you're late for work? Or how about waiting for you picky eater to finish her broccoli? Now I can outlast the best of them.

4. New friends. I'm not a naturally friendly person. I'm an introvert. But it's been fun meeting so many mommy friends through school, field trips, and birthday parties. There's nothing like bonding over your boys' obsession with Star Wars, or both your kids having the same teacher back to back. I'm looking forward to all the wine dates, I mean, play dates with these mommies.

5. A sense of humor. You know, there are just some scenarios you couldn't even imagine happening before kids. Like never in your wildest dreams. And then when they do happen, they are just so crazy ridiculous all you can do is laugh. It's a tried and true parent coping mechanism. Like that time my friend's kid painted the walls with his poop. Or mine took a permanent marker and tatted up their arms and torsos like two mini gangstas. Or when Syd unrolled all the rolls of toilet paper and spread them across the living room and painted a rainbow on the carpet. There's no other appropriate reaction.

8. Respect for my elders. I love and appreciate my parents even more than ever, now that I have children of my own. Because I finally understand the sacrifices they made to raise me to be the person that I am today. Mad respect.

9. Purpose. I have responsibilities that are so much bigger than me. I am raising two human beings. Their entire lives and well being are dependent on me and their father. It is a startling realization, and actually quite terrifying. But this has given my life a sense of purpose, to be the very best employee, parent, wife, and friend that I can be, so my kids can see that example and strive for even greater things.

10. Super hero status. To my kids, I am Super Mom. I don't wear a cape, but they truly believe I can heal booboos, sooth tummies, conjure up cookies, find missing socks, and whatever else only a  mommy can do. Granted daddies are pretty awesome too. But their first instinct is to always call out for me. It's like the Bat signal for Gotham City. My reaction isn't always instant, but they always know I'll come to the rescue. "Thank you mommy!" is all I need. Maybe a sidekick to do the dishes and clean the toilets. I wonder how my hubby will look in a Robin costume.

Happy Mother's Day to #MomoftheYear (and all of us who dole out tough love)

I heard a story the other day. Actually I reported it. The headline read: "7 arrested in Foods Co shooting, including three minors." Imagine, being 17 years old, barely old enough to drive, not old enough to vote, and facing prison time. You may be thinking, "Those young thugs had it coming." Yes, chances are, this wasn't their first foray into crime or illegal activity. But then I started thinking, were there opportunities along the way to prevent them from taking this path? Where were their parents? Were they working all day every day just to make ends meet? Were they absent from their lives? Were they in prison too?

By now, you've seen the footage of #momoftheyear Toya Graham, who was shown beating her son on live television during the Baltimore riots. She explained why she took action, "That’s my only son and at the end of the day I don’t want him to be a Freddie Gray. At that point, I just lost it,” said Graham. “I was shocked, I was angry, because you never want to see your child out there doing that.” Baltimore's Police Commissioner referred to Graham at a news conference saying, “I wish I had more parents who took charge of their kids tonight.” I think a lot of us were thinking the same thing, as we watched the images of looting, burning, and rioting on TV. That's why her tough love resonated with so many parents across the country. Sometimes you have put your foot down because kids will always test the limits. When interviewed later, the clearly embarrassed teenager acknowledged that the public beat down happened because his mother loves him. And she very well may have prevented him from being arrested/injured/killed.

You might be surprised to learn that I had a youthful rebellion of my own. I too was 17 and bored. Bored of being the dutiful daughter and straight-A student. So I started shoplifting. At first it was small stuff, like a pair of earrings here, a coffee mug there. It wasn't because I had a bad upbringing. I was raised in a Christian home with both parents. It wasn't out of need. My folks worked hard to provide everything I needed. It was for a thrill. To see what I could get away with. To impress my friends. I soon graduated up to stealing clothes from department stores. My parents never suspected a thing. I never argued with them at home (except about the typical teenage stuff like boys and dress code). I kept my grades up. I never acted out at school. But then I got caught. I was put in handcuffs and marched across the mall, my face burning in shame. I had just turned 18. They would charge me as an adult. To make matters worse, my younger cousin was with me, and so the charges included "contributing to the delinquency of a minor." But that's not what I feared the most. I feared my parents' reaction. Specifically my dad's, because he had always been the disciplinarian at home. The one who whacked us with a wooden stick when we were really naughty. But boy, was I wrong. It was my mom I should have feared all along.

She lost it. Just like Toya Graham "lost it." My mom was shocked, angry, and horribly disappointed. Nothing in my young life could have prepared me for her reaction. She came at me with scissors and cut off all my hair. One of my pride and joys. Long, straight, silky smooth, all the way down my back. Gone in an instant. A teenage girl's vanity completely stripped away. She cried and screamed at me. I ran away from home. "I'll disappear. That'll teach her," I thought angrily. But as the days went by, it sunk in. Holy cow. That's how much my mom loves me. I never shoplifted again.

Only now that I'm a mother myself, do I understand the pain I caused her. Only now can I really be grateful that she scared me straight. Only now can I grasp the concept of tough love. I am not my children's friend. I am their mother. It is my duty to raise them to be God-fearing, law abiding, good human beings. That cannot be done without a good measure of discipline. There are consequences for bad behavior. Last year, my daughter was caught lying to me about missing homework assignments so that she could go to movie night at her school. She was grounded from movie nights for the rest of the year. "Wow that's harsh," said some of my friends. But she learned her lesson. And she's been honest with me since then, even during the times when she knew I wouldn't be happy with her. I know there will be many more times when I'll have to do the hard thing. Especially during the teenage years, when (God forbid) she goes through her rebellion. Those ominous foreboding words from my mom will come back to haunt me, "Someday you'll have a daughter just like you." I used to think, "I should be so lucky!" Now I know better. Ha!

So this Mother's Day, Happy Mother's Day to Toya Graham, my mom, and the rest of us who dole out tough love because we love our kids so. dang. much.

Why I felt like leaving my dream job

I love my job.  It's something I've worked at for 15 years, nearly half of my life to achieve. It's the kind of job that when you tell others what you do, they look at you differently, curious and impressed. It's a job you pursue for passion, not for money. The perks are nice too. It's a job that gets me access to restricted people and places with a flash of a badge. I am a TV news reporter and anchor. And I love my job.

The other day, I read former CEO's Max Shireson's blog post about why he left his job to spend more time with his family. Now granted, I don't make millions of dollars and I don't travel 300,000 miles a year. In fact, I have what's considered the best schedule in the news industry: 8:30am to 5:30pm Monday through Friday. Already you're thinking, "Quit your whining, then!" Let me explain.

It's the guilt. That mom guilt that all working moms and some working dads experience at one point or another. The guilt when you realize others spend more time with your children every day than you do. The guilt when you can't attend an awards ceremony or performance because you're working. The guilt when your kids keep calling you grandma because that's who is raising them. The guilt when dinner is once again fast food because you didn't have time to cook. The guilt when you feel like your best, most productive hours and talents are given to your employer and not your family. As a working mom, these feelings are regular occurrences. And I'm gonna assume they were for my mom as well.

The thing is, despite spending long hours at our babysitter's house, home alone, or at the after-school "fun club," I don't recall ever feeling like my mom wasn't there for us. When I flip through my childhood photo albums, I see an ecstatic 10-year-old winner of the Spelling Bee. Who quizzed me on all the words? My mom. I see a beaming angel excited for the school play. Who made the costume? My mom. I see a nervous girl about to perform in a piano recital. Who sat by my side, making sure I practiced? Mom. What I didn't see at the time, or in the pictures, is what happened behind the camera. My mom pulled many all-nighters. Despite being exhausted from a long day working the cash register at the diner my parents owned, she stayed up, lovingly sewing the last stitches and ironing the material of that beautiful white angel costume trimmed in silver.   

I recently got eye surgery which put me on medical leave for 6 weeks. I couldn't work. Initially, I was pretty helpless and miserable. What I wouldn't give to just watch the news without my eye being watery and blurry and in pain. But as the healing progressed, I embraced my other job: being a wife and mom for my family. I experienced joy in doing the things I usually can't as a working mom: planning day trips with them on their days off, picking up the kids from school, supervising their homework, planning and executing delicious dinners. I heard from my kids in more detail, while the events of their days were still fresh in their busy little minds. My husband and my children expressed how much they LOVED having me home. So did I.

To make matter worse, my husband discovered this long-lost video in which he asks my then-2-year-old daughter if she likes me working at Action News. She replies, "No." He asks, "Why?" She then delivers the simplest, most heart-melting answer in her little lispy baby voice, "Because I love her. And I want her to stay home." Talk about pouring salt in my still-fresh wounds. At that moment, I looked at my husband and said, "Look at the budget. Can we afford for me to stay home?" Surely we could live without cable, private preschool and my monthly facials if it meant I could be there for my children! He looked shocked and incredulous. Understandably. I've been a career woman my entire adult life. Even while on maternity leave with both of my children, I never considered becoming a SAHM. What changed? Maybe it was because now that they're older and more aware, I feel like they need me around more. As my return date to work neared, I started to dread going back. A friend asked me if I was excited. I honestly answered, no. "But this is your dream job!" she exclaimed. I started to wonder if my dreams were different now.

Well I'm back now. And I still love my job. My return was a whirlwind of busyness, co-workers and viewers welcoming me back, and a TON of work. Fulfilling work. It was like I never left. The kids, while they expressed some regret that I was going back, never missed a beat. We adjusted to the schedule, the juggling and insanity of life B.S. (Before Surgery). And I started to become convinced again that I can be a good mom *and* a working mom too. I'm lucky enough to have an employer that allows me a break in the day (within reason), to attend class parties and doctors appointments. And I want my son and daughter to grow up with a role model that pursues her passion. And if working requires me to pull a few all nighters to find the time to bake cookies for a party, create some costumes or help with science projects, I've got a cup of coffee with my name on it.

Ten Things My Mom Used to Say That I Never Thought I'd Say... Until I Became a Mom too

1. Get that out of your nose/ear/mouth/butt! Why do kids think their bodily orifices need to have foreign objects placed in them? Straws, army soldiers, pennies... have you seen the health insurance company ad where the kid goes to the doctor, only to have a doll shoe pulled out of his ear? I can relate.

2. Don't make me tell you again! My kids are selectively deaf. This is a strange affliction I noticed every time I asked them do something they don't necessarily want to do. In my daughter's case, this happens any time she's in the middle of a book or TV show. Sydney, go take a shower. SYDNEY, please go take a shower. SYDNEY TAKE A SHOWER!!!!!! Usually on the third try, I'm resorting to raising my voice.

3. Because I said so! As a child this answer really vexed me. It signaled the end to an argument without a satisfactory explanation. Now I realize my mom used it when she was just sick and tired of me questioning her. I use it regularly now to just SHUT. THEM. DOWN.

4. Let's play the quiet game! Can I just have one car ride home without screaming, yelling, singing, fighting coming from the back seat? Yup, it's called the "quiet game." The kids thought it was fun and played along... all of one time.

5. Did you flush? Why is it so hard to remember to flush the toilet? The last thing I want to see when I use the bathroom is somebody else's business. It's not any less stinky coming from little people.  And apparently some adults need this reminding as well. Sheesh.

6. Life isn't fair. This has become my go-to answer anytime my kids fight over the same thing, usually it's portion size. "Why is her muffin bigger than mine?" While I've had the urge to ask this as well when I'm buying my breakfast muffin at Starbucks, I remember my momma's wise words that life just isn't fair.

7. Go ask your dad. I always thought this was such a cop out. And it is. But if it means he gets to deal with their whining and cajoling instead of me, I'm not above using this line. Unfortunately, hubby is wise, and counters with a quick "Go ask your mom." It's like a ping pong game. Back and forth.

8. Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way. Throughout my childhood, I lived in terror of this actually happening, so I never ever crossed my eyes. Obviously this isn't true, but that doesn't stop me from telling my son every time he does this. And it's often. Like every day. Ugh, what if his eyes freeze that way?

9. How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tasted it?/If you're too full to finish your dinner, you're too full for dessert/Think of those poor starving children in North Korea... If you've got a picky eater, you've used one or all of these phrases too. My daughter eats like a bird. It drives me crazy how she sits there and just picks at her food. Like I'm trying to poison her with, horror or horrors, cauliflower. She even gags and plugs her nose to make a big show of how utterly disgusting she thinks her food is. I want to scream. Especially after I slaved away in the kitchen, making it presentable after microwaving it. Instead, I swallow my scream, and use one of these phrases.

10. I'll tell you when you're older. Son: "How did the doctor get me out of your tummy?" Me: "I'll tell you when you're older." There is NO way I'm ready to have the birds and the bees talk, let alone with my 5-year-old boy. Why do they have to be so darn inquisitive?

Do you guys have any more to add? Crazy how we all end up sounding just like our parents!

Taste Testing Trader Joe's Pumpkin-Flavored Everything

If you're like me, when the fall season comes around, you start craving all things pumpkin and pumpkin-flavored. I think it was even more so this year, because Fresno had an extended summer, and I was desperate to hasten the arrival of the crisp, cooler air, and the beautiful fall foliage. Starbucks' pumpkin spice latte hadn't yet arrived, so the other day, I faked it by making pumpkin bread. It was freaking delish. Moist, with the perfect blend of pumpkiny nutmegy cinnamony flavor.

That's where my neighborhood obsession, Trader Joe's comes in. The aforementioned "freaking delish" bread was made from their Pumpkin Bread Mix. But that's only the beginning. Have you been inside the store lately? It's like Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin exploded and broke off into little pumpkin-flavored goodies scattered in nearly every aisle. I couldn't resist snapping up a few (quite a few) to taste test. I can't tell you how many items I grabbed, then guiltily put back down, knowing I'd probably be the only one in the family to consume these things. (Hubby does not share my pumpkin addiction). Anyhow, I was super-excited to eat my breakfast this morning:

 

...Only to be disappointed! Let's start with the Pumpkin Waffles. I'd skip these. I'll stick with their amazingly flaky, crispy Belgian waffles instead, because these pumpkin waffles are like the cheap, cardboard-like Ego waffles with hardly any pumpkin flavor. Even slathering these with Cookie Butter couldn't save them.

 

The Pumpkin Spice Chai Latte Mix is all spice, to the point of overpowering. Mixing the powder with water, as the instructions suggest, just doesn't cut it. There's no latte creaminess to it. I will give it another try with milk, and see how that balances out the flavors.

 

Pumpkin Macarons. YES! A delicate, shell, a chewy interior, and a flavorful filling.  The pumpkin flavor is just right... really reminiscent of pumpkin pie. Make sure you defrost them for 30 minutes.

Pumpkin Cheescake. Buy this. If you love cheesecake and pumpkin pie, this is a cross of the best of both worlds. It's got the firmer consistency and tanginess of cheesecake, with the smoothness of pumpkin pie. Sometimes pumpkin pie can be a little too... gelatinous for me, so I actually prefer this.

 

 

 

Pumpkin Butter. Pumpkin pie in a jar. This is a great way to satisfy your pumpkin craving, so you might want to stockpile a few jars of these. They're a little pricey for the size, but it's good on anything from ice cream to toast. The tasting station uses cream cheese to cut down on the sweetness. There are also some great recipes online using this ingredient. 

 

I found this hilarious and helpful "Pumpkintensity" matrix of some of TJ's most popular pumpkin-flavored products. As you can see, some are super high in the spice factor, while others have a much stronger pumpkin flavor. I guess depending on your preferences, you can decide what to try!

 

How do you feed your pumpkin addiction? Let me know about your favorite products!

Just Between Friends Fall Sale

You know how much I love a good bargain. That's why I'm addicted to JBF. I first heard about Just Between Friends Children's Consignment Sale about four years ago, while doing a story on them. I felt like it was made for me! At the time, my house was overflowing with baby gear that I needed to get rid of, but I had spent hundreds of dollars on these things, so I didn't just want to give them away or sell them for pennies at a yard sale. This was the perfect solution. I was able to recoup my costs by consigning everything from my Medela breast pump and my kid's crib mattress, to the exersaucer and rocking chair from their nursery. Here's a link to how consignment works with JBF.

Now that my kids are older, it's more a matter of keeping up with their clothes and shoes, as they grow out of them every year. So I've become an avid shopper at their twice yearly sale. Today is opening day for the Fresno Fall Sale at the Fresno Fairgrounds' Commerce Building. From today through Sunday you can find amazing deals on new and gently used baby, children's, and maternity items in one huge place. Here's my one-minute explainer:



If you're willing to really spend some time looking, you can find some great quality, even brand new stuff, tags still on them. I spent about an hour and half at their pre-sale and ended up with a ginormous shopping bag loaded with stuff.

Here's a breakdown of my JBF haul: Crazy 8 pea coat ($16), Old Navy cream sweater ($4), Baby Gap black sweater ($6), new w/ tags Rock n Roll sweatshirt from Kohl's ($9), Osh Gosh All Star hooded shirt ($5) , plaid and striped Ralph Lauren button up shirts ($10 each).





New with tags Gymboree brown corduroys ($8), black corduroy pants ($4), 2 pairs of Osh Gosh lined athletic pants ($4 each), Old Navy jeans ($4), Carter's boots ($9), and Adidas soccer cleats ($7.50).

An entire winter wardrobe for my 5-year-old son for $100! I also got a Crazy 8 sweater dress for my daughter, two Justice workout shorts for dance and gymnastics, a hot pink Children's Place velour sweatsuit, and two pairs of leggings all for about $45. But my favorite find of the day was a pair of brand new pink and black converse high tops for my daughter for $13 (Retail $32).

 

Are you going to the sale? What amazing finds have you scored? 

No Kids Allowed

 

Old Fisherman's Grotto is located on Fisherman's Wharf in Monterey

You can't miss it. The bright yellow paint, the black and white striped awning, and the ever-present call of the man hawking clam chowder. On a recent work trip to Monterey, my photographer Richard and I followed our stomachs and our noses to the Old Fisherman's Grotto. Once we arrived, he pointed out this sign, posted just under the menu, and since he knows I'm a mom, asked me if I was offended. I laughed, saying no, even though it seems a bit harsh, I absolutely agreed.


Families are crying foul over this sign, saying they're offended and upset

Easy for me to say, right? I wasn't with my kids. But that's the thing, when I'm not with them, I'd like to enjoy fine dining without having to tend to my kids or try to tune out others' little ones. Tantrums, fighting, food on the floor, if I wanted that, I would have had dinner at home! I figure, patrons shelling out big bucks and restaurant owners catering to those patrons have every right to have a kid-free zone. I remember when my hubby and I, desperate for a nice steak, ventured to Fleming's with our children in tow. My son, who was a toddler at the time, thought it was a fun game to throw his fork on the ground. The gracious staff was quick to pick it up and replace it with a clean one. They even brought out a tasty little plate with finger foods on it to distract him. But after the fifth or so fork on the ground, I was mortified and my hubby had to take him to the restroom for a stern talk and a time out. Never again! We vowed to hold off on fine dining until the kids were a little older and they could learn to behave themselves.

Back at the Old Fisherman's Grotto, Richard and I enjoyed a fantastic meal. The service was attentive and speedy, and the food was VERY good. And even though we didn't say much because we were stuffing our faces, the nice thing was, it was quiet and intimate enough to have a conversation. No crying babies or unruly children in sight. We joked about the sign again on the way out, how it must be working.

Little did we know the local media and some parenting blogs would pick up the story, after some families complained about the sign. Customer Niki Riviere says she was turned away from the restaurant because she couldn't get a high-chair for her 6-month-old child. She told a Salinas TV station: "I'm completely shocked because I never had that happen. Usually they cater, at least have a high chair for the child, but it seemed like they didn't want any child. They said the child can't make any noises so they turned us away." I actually have a problem with the part of Niki's statement where she says, "Usually they cater." It's the same sense of entitlement many of us have developed when we are visiting a business. Obviously customer service is key in making your patrons happy and get them to keep coming back. But guess what? Your needs and desires don't automatically supersede others'. So if the fact that you have little ones means you can't eat at this particular place for a few years, it's being courteous, it's not discrimination. And in the meantime, as your kids get older, make sure to teach them manners, like sitting still, eating with utensils, and using their inside voice, so that when you do take them out, they know how to behave.

Meantime, the owner, Chris Shake has been completely unapologetic, saying if customers don't like the rules, they can go somewhere else for dinner. Obviously Shake doesn't care too much about being polite. Some have suggested it's the sign's tone and wording that is more offensive than the actual adults-only policy. I wonder, if any families that get past the sign, have actually been asked to leave mid-meal because their kids weren't behaving? Shake could probably use a few lessons on how to deal with young families, since they are a huge demographic among the tourists in Monterey. But he says he doesn't need to, because business has been great despite his no kids policy. What do you think?