Thursday, November 6, 2014
1. Get that out of your nose/ear/mouth/butt! Why do kids think their bodily orifices need to have foreign objects placed in them? Straws, army soldiers, pennies... have you seen the health insurance company ad where the kid goes to the doctor, only to have a doll shoe pulled out of his ear? I can relate.
2. Don't make me tell you again! My kids are selectively deaf. This is a strange affliction I noticed every time I asked them do something they don't necessarily want to do. In my daughter's case, this happens any time she's in the middle of a book or TV show. Sydney, go take a shower. SYDNEY, please go take a shower. SYDNEY TAKE A SHOWER!!!!!! Usually on the third try, I'm resorting to raising my voice.
3. Because I said so! As a child this answer really vexed me. It signaled the end to an argument without a satisfactory explanation. Now I realize my mom used it when she was just sick and tired of me questioning her. I use it regularly now to just SHUT. THEM. DOWN.
4. Let's play the quiet game! Can I just have one car ride home without screaming, yelling, singing, fighting coming from the back seat? Yup, it's called the "quiet game." The kids thought it was fun and played along... all of one time.
5. Did you flush? Why is it so hard to remember to flush the toilet? The last thing I want to see when I use the bathroom is somebody else's business. It's not any less stinky coming from little people. And apparently some adults need this reminding as well. Sheesh.
6. Life isn't fair. This has become my go-to answer anytime my kids fight over the same thing, usually it's portion size. "Why is her muffin bigger than mine?" While I've had the urge to ask this as well when I'm buying my breakfast muffin at Starbucks, I remember my momma's wise words that life just isn't fair.
7. Go ask your dad. I always thought this was such a cop out. And it is. But if it means he gets to deal with their whining and cajoling instead of me, I'm not above using this line. Unfortunately, hubby is wise, and counters with a quick "Go ask your mom." It's like a ping pong game. Back and forth.
8. Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way. Throughout my childhood, I lived in terror of this actually happening, so I never ever crossed my eyes. Obviously this isn't true, but that doesn't stop me from telling my son every time he does this. And it's often. Like every day. Ugh, what if his eyes freeze that way?
9. How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tasted it?/If you're too full to finish your dinner, you're too full for dessert/Think of those poor starving children in North Korea... If you've got a picky eater, you've used one or all of these phrases too. My daughter eats like a bird. It drives me crazy how she sits there and just picks at her food. Like I'm trying to poison her with, horror or horrors, cauliflower. She even gags and plugs her nose to make a big show of how utterly disgusting she thinks her food is. I want to scream. Especially after I slaved away in the kitchen, making it presentable after microwaving it. Instead, I swallow my scream, and use one of these phrases.
10. I'll tell you when you're older. Son: "How did the doctor get me out of your tummy?" Me: "I'll tell you when you're older." There is NO way I'm ready to have the birds and the bees talk, let alone with my 5-year-old boy. Why do they have to be so darn inquisitive?
Do you guys have any more to add? Crazy how we all end up sounding just like our parents!
Posted by TV News Mom at 2:59 PM